Baltrum

Advice needed!!Urgent!! I'm applying for a scholarship and they asked for my career aspitaion/plan. 150words.

My career aspiration/plan. Take a look and give some advice like what to add or what to leave out. "I plan on getting a Bachelor’s Degree in Business majoring in either business administration or HR management or hotel management.I wish to pursue my education somewhere with a different cultural background, because I enjoy meeting new people, learning new things and living in new environments. I am interested in job opportunities that are bound to rise in Singapore with the completion of the Integrated Resort in Marina Bay and various additions to Sentosa Island. Singapore is a country that I would feel comfortable working in as it has a multi cultural background but is much different compared with what we have in Malaysia. I love to interact with people and possess good communication skills.I would love to take up posts ranging from a local gift shop manager to a five star hotel manager or CEO of international business group as long as I get to meet new people throughout the process"

Public Comments

1. I think you're right on track. I think your essay shows that you have a passion for your studies and want to experience different things in life.
2. It sounds great so far! I would suggest (in the first sentence) writing "either business administration, HR management or hotel management" instead of having another "or" between administration and HR. This way, the sentence flows a bit better. You could leave out the sentence where you say how you love to interact with people and have good communication skils, since you already mentioned your love of meeting new people earlier. I would add in "This would be a great opportunity to put my abilities to good use." at the end, just to close it up nicely. I would also try to mention that the college/university is the best to help you achieve these goals.