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My husband left me and moved to Oregon. Should I follow him there? Please read and let me know what you think

My husband recently left me and moved to Washington. He is working a temporary job, which ends in April, and then he'll be back to get all his stuff before he moves to Oregon to persue the life he's always wanted, which doesn't include me as his wife. Now for some history - We've been married for 8 years and have a seven year old boy. My son and I live in Nebraska right now. My mother followed me here from Virginia, where I lived my teenage years, and my husband's family lives here in Nebraska. Other than my husband's family, I have nothing holding me here. I never liked living in Nebraska, it's always been temporary while my husband got his college education. I have a secure job that pays well but I am unhappy working here and I don't really have friends. I am so very alone. My mother is very dependant on me, I'm her only child, and has told me she will follow me wherever I move. My father and his family lives in Rhode Island, where I was born and lived for the first 11 years of my life, but I am not close to anyone except my mother. My father has never been there for me, ever. My In Laws have been more of a family to me than my own ever has. My husband and I relationship has always been rocky. Each of us always hurting the other. I admit I have done most of the hurting. We've been together since we were in the 9th grade and have always been madly in love despite the stupid things we-ve done and the games we've played. Three years ago I had an affair and the trust is destroyed and slowly he has fallen out of love with me. I think he was just waiting until he graduated college to leave. I still love him and desprately want him back but I'm slowly relizing thats not going to happen. There's too much damage to ever repair. He will not go to a marriage counslor. I had three years to win back my marriage after the affair and failed. Now my question- Where do I go now? Living in Nebraska is not an option. I need to get out of this life sucking state. I hate it here as does my husband and my mother. My In-Laws are probably here to stay. I plan on moving to Oregon where my husband will be. I don't think my son should have to grow up without his father. Sure even if we lived miles apart he'd see his father as often as possible, summer, holidays, etc. But frankly thats not good enough. I grew up without a father and I've always felt the void. However, I feel like I'm following my husband with wishful thinking and I'm using my son as an excuse. I don't want to get there and watch my husband date other women. I have another option. I can move to Rhode Island and try for a relationship with a family I've never felt like I was apart of. My dad did say he would help me in anyway he could but thats hard to believe because he never has before. Rhode Island is so far from Oregon. I'm confused, scared, and I need some help. My best friend lives in Oregon. I'm not going to "hurt" my son by moving him near his father.

Public Comments

1. GIRL...that sucks..but I would not follow my husband out of state. He's made it pretty clear that he wants to move on with his life and I can't blame him. You are using your son and that's not fair to the child. Move somewhere that makes you happy. Where is your best friend? Look at this as a fresh start and take this as a lesson learned. GOOD LUCK for the future.
2. Tough situation. I wouldn't follow your husband. He sounds like a real jerk to just use you to finish college and then bolt. He is leaving his son and his wife. Whatever problems you two had he should at least be thinking of his son. I would go to family. I'm sure you and mom can live in Rhode Island. Your son will get to be with other family and you can reconnect with your father. I hope this helps. Good luck to you.
3. I feel for ya. I am an investigator, and own my own detective agency, if I can help let me know...here is my agency'sweb site: www.ocinvestigations.com
4. I would move back to Rhode Island and try to get to know your new family members...my father wasn't in my life for over +13 years but since I have kids I reached out to him...my family is so small that I need all the family members I can LOL...don't follow your ex-...respect yourself a little (the affair is in the past, there is nothing you can do about it now)...if he chose to be in Oregon / Washington, to be that far away from his son than that is his sad loss...
5. Oregon - Washington - Oregon - Nebraska - Virginia - Nebraska - Nebraska - Rhode Island - Nebraska - Oregon - Rhode Island - Rhode Island - Oregon. Of course you're confused. I sure as hell am. But boy I bet you know where some good pancake houses are, huh?
6. You only get one shot at life so do whatever will make you happy. Talk with your husband and tell him how you feel about him and your marriage. Let him know that you are sorry and you want to give it another shot. Ask him if you can even try the long distance thing for awhile to see where it goes. But if he doesn't want another chance, can't trust you and wants a divorce, then don't follow him. It will just make things harder for him and for you because he won't want you around (because he will want to get over you). It sucks, but you can't make him want to be with you. As for you, I imagine you are feeling scared and alone. You were with your husband for so long, and now he's gone. Your world has been torn apart and it's common to feel lost. You say you hate Nebraska, but his family is there and you are close to them and your mom is there. It sounds like you have a good support system. If you want a relationship with your dad, then you could try to move there too. He may have realized his mistakes and does want to be there for you now. He can't change the past, but he can change the way you two are now. Give him a chance.
7. Your husband should have thought about your son before putting his own dreams in first place. But since he didn't do this, I understand your point of view . But it seems to me that if you do move near your husband you will set yourself up for disaster. I would start fresh. Maybe your father might want to start a new relationship with you. Give him a chance. Good luck.
8. Shout out to Oregon! I'm a native, sorry just had to share lol .. As to what to do. I'd get some counseling for the both of you as whatever you decide will be life changing. Good Luck!
9. I think you are right! you go take back control of your family. Your husband must want it to work or he would have filed for divorce by now. Worse case senario you get divorced but your son can be with both of his parents. Good luck that is a hard one, but space could be good for you both?
10. Wow, you have alot on your plate. In my opinion your marriage is irrepairable...otherwise your husband would not have moved to another state. He wants out and you following him to Oregon is not a good move. If I were you, I would move to Rhode Island and see if your relationship with your father and family improves. The fact that he offered his help seems to reveal that he loves you and wants contact with you and maybe repair the damage caused by the abandonment you felt as a child. If your husband wants to see his child, then let him take a plane to Rhode Island or have your son go to him for the summers. Maybe your Dad will be the father image your son will need, but I think it is time for you to move on and stop wishful thinking about saving your marriage, as it is too late. Go to Rhode Island, get a job, and see what the future holds. It is time to move on...maybe one day you will be able to have a new relationship with someone but you must not make the mistakes of your first marriage. Don't follow your husband. It is over. Make a new start and move on.